God Moves in Mysterious Way

I am a romantically inclined person where I pray that a happy ending is waiting for me soon. I am praying that someday there is someone who will love me unconditionally. A love that God is the center, a love that is real.

But its not easy to have one because along the way your faith and patience will be tested. At an early age, I entered into an immature relationship because of peer pressure.I have a little idea about commitment and relationship back then. I acted silly, clingy, and childish. I rushed and that relationship failed. 

Another relationship came. This time I thought its real since we both came from the same community. We both served and we love what we were doing, but I was wrong. I entered into a relationship with a wrong perspective about commitment. I thought it will last, I thought he is the right one. In real, it was ten months relationship of lies. 

After those relationships, there's a trauma on me not to have one anymore. I came to a point that I planned to finish my studies and enter into a congregation to become a nun, because I hate to love. My perspective about boys changed that I almost think they are all the same. I played with others' feelings and end up hurting myself. I became hard-headed. I said I love you, but I did not mean it.  Impatience eat me up and I forgot my worth as a woman of God. From then, I always asked if I am still worthy to be love, to serve Him. Questions came to my minds that even me can't answered. I feel unworthy.

That was changed when I met people in community who taught and explained to me the real meaning of "True Love Waits." Those people became His instrument to taught me a lesson about love. Truth slapped my face. I went to confession and felt guilty about myself. God taught me four steps in life: 1. Accept 2. Let Go 3. Move on 4. Let God. That was the first step I did. I looked for my old self again. From that steps, I learned to love again. I learned to love people that love me and not pushed them away from my life. I know my worth as a woman, that I am precious in His eyes. I set high standards when it comes to love life. I promised to myself that it will be after two years (See In Two Years) that I will enter into a relationship again. God made a new person and now He is molding me to be the best. It will not be an easy journey, but I know His instruments will guide me along the way.